Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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