i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
