I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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