mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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