you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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