Your dad touched me again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
