Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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