All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
