we made out on top of his cat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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