sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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