my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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