I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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