Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
