How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
time to smoke my breakfast
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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