sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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