your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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