I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Drake has all the answers
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
