if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So many bounce houses so little time
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
