Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
