it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
