maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
