Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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