It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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