I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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