Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
