I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i was born a porn star she said
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
