He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
