thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
