Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
