hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Some milfs here doing some blow
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.