Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
