Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.