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• (850): View more from Florida

  I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something

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• (805): View more from California

  Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I can be that talented

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.

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  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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• (909): View more from California

  Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"

  (951): View more from California

  That's just where I'm at in my life.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I just need some dick and some jimmy johns

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me

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