Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest