I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ugly people sure do ruin things
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?