Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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