I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
