You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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