new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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