Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just invented taco cereal.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
