Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
