He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
