Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
