why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
