My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
