what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize