A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
