Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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