She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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