Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
