Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
