I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
