Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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