Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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