So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
