you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
