You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
