one two three fourrrrnication!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I did not marry a roomba.
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