i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
