but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
