Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
