so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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