I cannot find my penis.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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