Can i not drive my cunt home
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
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