just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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