we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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