Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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