a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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