He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
