my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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