Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
