This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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