i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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