Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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