I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
