You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
