Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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