You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
