Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
