do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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