she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
