Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
