i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
